St. Stephen’s Green

Even though I absolutely love sunshine, I’ve really been vibing with the lush and overcast weather we’ve been having here in Dublin recently. It seems our summer was rather short (aka it lasted two weeks and it’s not even June) and I’m starting to get used to the idea of a temperate and rainy summer. It helps that the sun doesn’t fully go down until 10:30 and that I’m not sweating through all of my clothes like I would be at home. I think I’m actually starting to understand this whole “summer knits” thing they keep talking about here…

I took a walk around St. Stephen’s Green yesterday and grabbed a few snaps of the park under cloudy skies. I love that even an overcast day doesn’t deter people from spending time outside here; I feel like at home, if the weather isn’t perfect then why bother? But here if it isn’t pouring and the temperature is reasonable, there’s no excuse not to walk around or have lunch outdoors. It’s also hilarious that the weather becomes a national pastime – everyone is always talking about it! But then again, so am I right now… 🙈

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So, even though lots of great things have been happening lately (the end of classes, friends coming to visit, successful meetings) the last few weeks have actually been pretty stressful. Surrounding all these good moments have been a lot of worry and uncertainty and so these things that should be wonderful and inspiring have actually introduced a lot of anxiety into my life. It’s like I’ve been so distracted with everything that I’ve let self-doubt creep in unnoticed. Then suddenly a little mistake or a brief goodbye can seem like the end of the world.

But I know that it’s not. And it’s been taking walks like these and doing things alone that reminds me of that solid part within myself that I can always fall back on. That voice inside me that reminds me to let it out and then pick myself up and do better. It’s like I ran into a wall of my own self-esteem – but why has it been so elusive for so long? How do I tap into this solid foundation of self all the time? I feel so lucky to have this part of myself, but I’m afraid that soon the things that have helped me harness it will lose their potency and I’ll be steeped in fear again.

Am I alone in this or do others feel this process of building up and tearing down? What do you do to remind yourself of your own strengths? Is this getting a little too LiveJournal right now? Probably yes, but I’m still curious…

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